Life of a Diamond

“Life isn’t about finding yourself, it’s about creating yourself.” – George Bernard Shaw.

How many times have we said the phrase “we have to find ourselves?” To be honest, I’ve spent most of my adult life being guided by the thought ‘I have to find myself’. It never occurred to me that the best way to find oneself is by tapping into the source of all that is. Not once. The way I saw it, I knew better than God. I had a vision in my head of how my life was supposed to look, and I never once consulted God about what He wanted for me. I was moving completely on my own understanding of how I thought life should work. I was such a “know it all” that I never even consulted any wisdom from people whom I respected. But you know what they say, When we plan, God laughs. I have surely given him a chuckle, or two (maybe three). Ultimately, finding myself came with the cost of losing myself. I had no idea who I was. I looked in the mirror and in my reflection there was a stranger. I had let everyone else tell me who I should be, instead of going to the One who created me and sent me down for a purpose. 

The irony is, I had to completely become who I didn’t want to be, in order to become the woman that God created me to be. I call those years the years “time spent walking in someone else’s shoes”.  Because they certainly were not my own. I had let the opinions and fears of others mold and create me. Thinking that was the way to go. By not being my authentic self, I was doomed to lose. I found myself stuck going in cycles. It wasn’t until I was sick and tired of my own bs, that I changed. I needed help and God rescued me, literally. I had spent so many years running away from God, not realizing that I was only running away from myself. Whole time I was running, He was running right beside me. Still covering me with His grace, even when I stepped outside of His will. When I finally surrendered, God trusted me enough with His wisdom and understanding  that the way I had previously done life was all wrong. The blueprint of “finding oneself” was false. I wasn’t finding myself, I was creating the situations and instances that were in my life, good or bad. But the grace.. The grace saved me. Only by God’s grace was I able to receive insight and wisdom from Him. There was nothing that I could have done on my own that could save me, except pray,surrender, and meet God halfway. I had asked for help, and help was given. Ten fold. 

The thing is, we are literally in a process of creation every second of our lives. Genesis 1:27 says “God created human beings in His own image..” the first chapter of Genesis speaks about the power of creation that God has, and we have the same power. Up until recently it never even dawned on me that some of the horrible situations that I had been in during my life, wasn’t even the work of the devil trying to torment me.. They were the products of my creation. My negative thoughts manifested. I thought that I wasn’t good enough, not smart enough, not deserving enough and those thoughts caused me to accept situations, and relationships that were not beneficial in serving the woman God created me to be. By limiting myself, and constantly thinking that I had to keep finding myself instead of visualizing the powerhouse lady that God created me to be, I was unconsciously recycling experiences. It was not until I surrendered wholeheartedly to God and His will for my life that my mind and heart were transformed. Until I understood  that God created me to be like Him and He chose me (John 15:16), that I began to fully choose myself. I realized that no matter what life looked like on the outside, I had the free will to choose who I wanted to be everyday, and I could or could not show up as her. I now choose to continue to show up as a Woman of God. Peridot.

 How will you decide to show up?

-Danielle.